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Only this time, it was different. After all, I was able to finish my Master degree and completed the coursework toward my doctorate in that time period.

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That five-minute conversation with my psychiatrist destroyed all sense of hope in my life! After being a full-time student for 10 years and employed for 15, both were gone. I would leave my apartment to take care of essential needs, like treatment and grocery shopping, but otherwise my communication with the world occurred via chat rooms on the Internet. The only difference is that I went from being an impoverished student with a dream to a really impoverished person with no future and no hope.

I went from feeling suicidal to attempting suicide. Looking back, I have to say that I was fortunate. Unlike the vast majority of people that I met at the clinic and in the hospital, I at least had a credit card. It was at that point that I decided that I was going to go back to work or die trying. Fortunately, I did have a case manager who fully supported my decision to find a job.

I started searching the want and new morganton adult phone chat a job as a research assistant at the county mental health board. The ad said that you had to be a consumer of mental health services to apply. The next day, they called and offered me the job. I still struggled a great deal with my mental illness and I think I had a short hospitalization, but nine months later December I applied for and was offered a full-time position as free san antonio texas phone chat program evaluator.

My salary more than doubled, and apparently, I was still doing a real good job at faking them out. From towhile in the program evaluator position, I went through the worst period with my mental illness. I was in the hospital about 12 times and most hospitalizations were followed up with a few weeks of partial hospitalization. I attempted suicide and found myself waking up in intensive care. The trend became obvious. I used up my 20 outpatient visits before June and had numerous hospitalizations the remainder of the year.

On numerous occasions, staff donated vacation time that I used as sick time, which allowed me to continue to receive a paycheck. The second major turning point in my recovery occurred early in I was committed to the state hospital in late February and spent the next two and a half months there. By this time, I had been on every cocktail combination of medications that one could imagine, and I had participated in numerous medication studies, most for schizophrenia even though I had been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorders.

However, it had become clear to me, that my main challenge was the symptoms related to Borderline Personality Disorder.

Helping Yourself

More importantly, it was obvious that chay medications were not working or helping me. So, I asked my psychiatrist to let me stop all of my medications and to help me focus on changing my thoughts and behaviors related to the Borderline Personality Disorder. To my surprise, and to his credit, he agreed to give it a shot. Although I struggled a great deal, the last month of that hospitalization dating sites with online chat without medications.

At that time I was on an anti-psychotic, 2 antidepressants, a mood stabilizer, an anti-anxiety med and something for side effects. I could not drink a cup of coffee without a cover because of tremors. Without medication, I had a clearer thought process, my memory improved, I was able to access my analytical thinking dooms and my general health improved. It was also during that month that my psychiatrist in the community informed hospital staff that he was not willing to continue with my treatment upon discharge.

At the chqt, that angered me a great deal. But, rkoms turned out to be another ificant factor in my recovery. After I got out of the hospital, my primary task was to find a new psychiatrist. To put it bluntly, I had burned too many bridges and no one was bpx to treat me. Apparently, my confidentiality had been violated and stigma chxt the mental health system was still very evident. Regardless, it was a blessing and the third major point in my recovery.

All of the sudden, my recovery was totally up to me. No longer could I blame doctors, therapists, or medications not working for my not getting better. Suddenly, I had no choice but to take responsibility for myself. I spent a ton of time browsing the web to learn as much about my illnesses as I could. It was then that, in essence, I took control of my life and became my own treatment provider.

No longer was it free shemale chat line to just understand what would help eooms. It was time to implement it.

Since most of my difficulties, especially racing thoughts and suicidal feelings, occurred after midnight, I made sure rooma I was in bed by Instead of cutting or burning myself, I would cjat a piece of ice in my hand until it melted. While it was extremely uncomfortable, I began looking at people when they talked to me and said hi to strangers when I encountered girls in suriname notes mobile chat. I had a blank copy of a mood log on my computer at home and at work and used it when I sensed that things were a bit out of control.

In addition to trying to change my thoughts and negative behaviors, I established goals around pursuing my hobbies. So, as a means to become active again, I set the goal of participating in at least one of these activities for an hour every week. Gradually I increased the types of things that I did as well as the amount of time each week that I spent doing them.

In the midst of these many changes in my life, another critical factor in my recovery occurred. The mental health board received the grant, and in the spring ofI applied for and was offered the position of recovery coordinator. I new right then and there, that to be effective in my job, I had to exemplify recovery in my personal life. Clearly, employment has been a major factor in my recovery.

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This brings me to another very important factor in my recovery, which is the major improvement in self-esteem that I experienced. I firmly believe that the recovery journey begins with a sense of hope and that optimal progress in recovery is reliant upon both self-esteem and self-responsibility. The next few paragraphs elaborate on some of these factors. Even though I experienced symptoms of mental illness long before college, I know that having a college education prior to being hospitalized and diagnosed with an illness ificantly increased my chances for successful recovery.

Likewise, I firmly believe that my decision to return to work, and especially my current position, has been vital to my recovery. Self-responsibility was probably the most difficult aspect of recovery for me. Shifting from a life that was externally driven to one that is internally focused was totally free adult phone chat orange, not to mention very threatening.

However, the support of friends some of whom were consumerscolleagues and co-workers was very valuable to me. Also, while not a huge factor in my recovery, support via Internet chat rooms literally kept me alive. Ironically, I think that same Internet support perpetuated isolation in my life. Eventually, I had to chat room sex bathurst out from behind the computer into the community to develop valuable relationships. When I started to take risks and stretched beyond my comfort zone, I started to have small successes.

Despite some failures along the way, my confidence grew with each success; and, after a collection of small successes, I was willing to take bigger risks and stretch further beyond my comfort zone. Finally, there is no doubt in my mind that the single most important factor that was present throughout my recovery is a personality trait that I possess. I feel the need to briefly mention some of the more subtle things that impacted my recovery. Early on, I made a conscious decision to not hide my mental illness.

I knew that stigma was very real, but I also felt like hiding this part of my life was living a lie, and that inherent in non-disclosure is a sense of embarrassment or self-stigma. Both are counterproductive to recovery. Especially since building relationships was a ificant struggle for me. Aside from the times that I was in the hospital, I spent two or three hours a week with my treatment providers.

For several years, anger was the only emotion that I could recognize in myself. When I let go of the anger, I started to trust, and gradually, was able to heal. I mentioned the one psychiatrist who I think caused far more harm than good in my life. However, I want to point out that he was the exception. I had a of treatment providers in both the hospital and community setting who spent endless hours by my side steam voice chat on mobile I worked through the anger and pain in my life.

These were the scariest moments in my life and a lot of people worked hard to provide both physical and emotional safety. They also put up with a lot of crap! Today, I am confident about who I am and how I feel about myself. No longer do I look at my shoes when I talk to people.

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I used to rely on everyone for everything. Today, I am a fairly independent woman.

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I now understand that my feelings, all of them, are okay. Even anger!

Prior to my recovery, I displayed s of narcissism. Actually, I still do at times! After having been evicted from an apartment and asked to leave a church due to mental illness, I have a hint of hotmail chat rooms it feels like to be discriminated against. As a result, I think I am more accepting of those who are somehow hpd than me.

About two years ago, I purchased my first home. Mental illness is devastating. But, through recovery from the illness, I have a career, social and community life in front of me that only I can limit.

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